Side Effects

As I previously mentioned, I'm taking Gleevec. Gleevec is a great drug; unlike typical chemotherapy, it is specifically designed to target the problem cells that Carmichael is making. Of course, it comes with a fair share of side effects. I recently subscribed to the discussion board for Carmichael (he has his own BBS!) on the LLS web site, and unfortunately it's creeping me out a bit. People much further along than me are complaining about the side effects and their quality of life on Gleevec. Then again, they also thought the bone marrow biopsy was really painful, so I'm not sure that I can trust that their experience will be similar to mine.

Speaking of unspeakable pain, I've so far had three temporary side effects from my medication. The first was a rash, which I believe was caused by Hydroxyurea, a chemotherapy medication I was on immediately after diagnosis to bring my alarmingly high white blood cell count down from 430k per hundred mm cubed to a safe 4k-11k. I'm off the Hydroxyurea now, thankfully. Another "side effect" is that Gleevec is preventing me from regrowing some new (albeit cancerous) bone marrow cells, so I'm currently just plain low on bone marrow, which also means that I'm low on all of my blood cell counts. This means I'm slightly anemic, and a little tired, and more importantly, low on platelets, so when my vicious cat Shabby attacked me this evening, I actually bled much more than usual and ruined a sock.

However, those side effects pale in comparison to the third one which I experienced three days ago. I woke up to my new gift in the morning, an excruciating pain in my left toe. After hobbling to a bus that took me to UMD's health center, I was quickly diagnosed with gout, which my third medication (allopurinol) was supposed to prevent. One day and a few painkillers later, it mostly went away, and now I only feel it if I try pretty hard. Interestingly, I don't remember the pain much now, only the certainty that it hurt more than anything else I'd ever experienced. I remember a similar experience when I accidentally stabbed myself in the eye with an umbrella as a child. I got through that pretty easily and realized that when things are really painful, my brain is really good at shielding me from that pain, and for that I am grateful. By the way, to get through my bout of gout, we gave it a nickname too: Gary.

As for other side effects, who knows when they'll strike? One of the most annoying things about Carmichael is that I'm now constantly questioning anything I feel. Did I feel like this yesterday? Have I ever felt this feeling before? Even if I haven't, is this just a normal feeling that's unrelated to Carmichael? How can I tell if something's serious, and what do I do if I mistake something as being minor even though it's dangerous for me? I guess these are just the questions I need to deal with, but still, I think I'd feel a bit better if my boyfriend, Ted, weren't gone to a family reunion this weekend, leaving me home alone for the first time since my diagnosis...