I thought about mentioning how much I dislike a few of the members of my extended family in my last entry, but it sounded a little harsh in my head so I ended up deleting it. Then Thanksgiving happened. I was going to say that they're racist bigots, and now I can share very specific examples from this trip. Keep in mind, in particular, that this was Ted's first time meeting these people, so he was effectively a stranger to him, he was my guest, and yet they still acted this way in front of him.
First, my cousin Andy uses the n-word. A lot. Not only does he use it, but he uses it excessively and casually. It makes me ashamed to be related to him, and I indicate my disapproval (and discomfort) every time he says it, but that doesn't stop him at all.
As terrible as that is, my cousin Todd somehow managed to top it, perhaps not in vulgarity but at least in rudeness. At first, in front of everyone, he used the word "gay" to mean "bad". I knew things would not go well after that, and I can't believe he would be that rude to Ted, but I guess it just means that he doesn't think about the words he uses.
The real trouble came when we went to bed. You see, we had Thanksgiving in Todd's house this year. It's a really nice place; Todd and his wife got a deal on what's practically a mansion (albeit in the middle of nowhere) thanks to the economy, so there was plenty of room for everyone. When we took a tour of the house, Todd made sure to tell everyone else where they could sleep, but he never told me and Ted. I figured I'd just ask later. I was a little nervous, because I had spoken to my mom on the phone the previous night and she said that she thought Todd might be uncomfortable with me and Ted sleeping in the same room. I assumed she was just expecting the worst, but after I asked where we could sleep, it became apparent that Todd had actually told her that in advance.
Absolutely humiliating. Todd got this embarrassed look on his face and said that I could sleep in one room and Ted could sleep in another. I didn't tell Ted what my mom had said, so this took him completely by surprise, and so he just asked why we weren't both just sleeping in the one empty room. Todd said that he wouldn't be okay with it, and then said that he didn't even let his brother, Tevin, "do that", which, since I know Tevin isn't gay, I can only take to mean sleep in the same room out of wedlock? Of course, he and I both know that Ted and I can't get married (yet), but I'm sure that wouldn't change a thing.
I was quite upset that I put Ted in that situation, but I know he can handle it. The thing that actually upsets me the most was Todd's attitude. He was visibly ashamed that he was telling us to go to different rooms. He could clearly tell that what he was doing was nonsense, rude, and immoral. His "faith" has blinded him from thinking for himself.
Well, like a decent guest I obeyed the rules of Todd's house. I didn't even make a scene even though I felt entitled to do so. Instead, I just decided to never spend Thanksgiving with those people again. I don't mind them showing up at my parents' house, or my brother's house, but I really don't feel the need to go to one of their houses for Thanksgiving ever again if that's how they'll treat me. They don't consider Ted to be part of the family, but I guess that's not too surprising since they don't really consider me to be part of the family either.
And people wonder why Thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday...
Friday, November 27, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Pre-Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is just two days away, and I've got a lot to be thankful for. For instance, compared to last year, I've got my health! I've had another wonderful year with Ted and I have a loving, caring family. I've grown closer to my labmates and advisors, which I'm going to mark in the win column. I've been incredibly (I would almost go so far as to say "unbelievably") successful with my work, between my Sigcomm, HotNets, PAM, and IMC papers (holy crap, were those all this year?), the Best Student Paper Award for Persona, and the fact that two of those papers will be going towards my thesis. Sony and Obama are pairing up to get LittleBigPlanet in libraries across the nation, so I even have hope for the future of America.
Seriously, the game is that amazing. I only wish that I had more time to play it! Sadly, the slow and steady march of progress moves me on to other games, but LittleBigPlanet will always hold a special place in my heart, along with Super Smash Brothers Melee and Disgaea.
In any case, tomorrow I go to the doctor for a check-up, from which I'll leave to go to my cousin's place for Thanksgiving. The check-up should be pretty interesting; I think I'm getting the results from my PCR, which should be interesting on way or another. I also need to see what's going on with my next shipment of Gleevec. It should be here by now, I would think, though I do still have about two weeks worth of Gleevec, so I'm not too concerned yet.
I'm sure my family will enjoy my mo tomorrow. I facebooked (shush, spellchecker, it is a word if I say it is, and so is "spellchecker") Anika today to ask about getting dye for it, and it sounds like she'll be able to give me some. I'm thinking of going with a dark blue, and depending on my mood at the time and the quantity of hair dye she can give me, I'll dye my hair, too. Look forward to a picture of that! I may also have a mo-shaving party. Dave suggested that I serve mojitos and mogaritas (with coconut shavings instead of salt).
Seriously, the game is that amazing. I only wish that I had more time to play it! Sadly, the slow and steady march of progress moves me on to other games, but LittleBigPlanet will always hold a special place in my heart, along with Super Smash Brothers Melee and Disgaea.
In any case, tomorrow I go to the doctor for a check-up, from which I'll leave to go to my cousin's place for Thanksgiving. The check-up should be pretty interesting; I think I'm getting the results from my PCR, which should be interesting on way or another. I also need to see what's going on with my next shipment of Gleevec. It should be here by now, I would think, though I do still have about two weeks worth of Gleevec, so I'm not too concerned yet.
I'm sure my family will enjoy my mo tomorrow. I facebooked (shush, spellchecker, it is a word if I say it is, and so is "spellchecker") Anika today to ask about getting dye for it, and it sounds like she'll be able to give me some. I'm thinking of going with a dark blue, and depending on my mood at the time and the quantity of hair dye she can give me, I'll dye my hair, too. Look forward to a picture of that! I may also have a mo-shaving party. Dave suggested that I serve mojitos and mogaritas (with coconut shavings instead of salt).
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Not a Bill
Today, I almost thought I got my bill for my hospital stay over two months ago. It turns out that it's not a bill though, and just a statement of what I'm being charged. After about a 90% reduction thanks to insurance, I'm left with exactly $2561.28 in expenses.
I'm not going to lie; it is a lot of money. Fortunately, I've always made sure that I kept some money in savings, so I will be able to afford it. It's just... after 9 years of college and grad school, I've only managed to save up about $7000, and now over a third of that might go to this one expense. I say "might" because I probably won't actually have to pay that much. The statement (which is "not a bill") came with an insert that says the following:
I'm 100% certain that I'm under 500% of the poverty level, since that's what's necessary to get Gleevec for free from Novartis. Thanks again for that, by the way, Novartis. I'm pretty certain that I'm under 400% as well. If I'm not under 200%, I'm not much higher than it. Such is the life of a grad student. I guess, though, that I should be grateful for what I have rather than regretful of what I don't. Besides, I can't complain, because I think that in the end my education will be worth far more than what I've had to pay for it, even if you factor in costs such as missed opportunities. As much as I complain, my education is really going to be worth something when I finally get out of here.
Speaking of my education, our Sigcomm plans are starting to come together. I'm pretty sure we'll have a decent submission. I almost regret my paper last year about a distributed, privacy-preserving online social network called Persona; while I certainly don't regret winning Best Student Paper, it's almost impossible to follow-up on the paper because it solves so much! Every time we think we have a problem, we realize that Persona solves it almost trivially... almost so much that we couldn't possibly get an entire paper out of it. It's a little frustrating because I feel that there's a bit less to do in the area of privacy in social networks, but that's most likely going to be my thesis topic so I need to come up with something. Our current idea feels a little weak, but that's probably only because I've always set my bar too high. I just get tired of reading papers that design a system exactly as you'd expect if you were to just sit down with the problem for a few minutes.
In other Carmichael news, I've been having some trouble socially. Some of the people involved either do read this blog, might read this blog, or have a reputation that I wouldn't want to tarnish with my minor annoyances. My problems are two-fold. First, I'm supposed to drink in moderation, so even if I'm out having fun I only have one or two drinks, not enough to even really get me buzzed. Ordinarily I wouldn't really care, since I don't really enjoy drinking that much. However, I really don't like being out with a bunch of people who are drinking without me, because I think the social dynamic gets thrown totally off-kilter. Plus, since I don't really drive anywhere, I'm not even able to be the designated driver, so I can't even do some good by being sober. I'll just say thanks, Bender, for driving on Saturday, and leave it at that.
My second problem is that, as much as I would like to, I can't forget about Carmichael. It's bad enough that my alarm goes off at noon every day reminding me to take my pill and that I almost have a side effect of some sort (currently it's back muscle aches, joint pain in my legs and feet, and occasional numbness in my right big toe). Tangent: I wonder if I can deal with side effects better if I think of them more like status effects in an RPG? Anyway, the thing that really gets to me is that someone who shall remain nameless is having an even harder time with Carmichael than I am. That, and I can often tell that when he looks at me. That, and when he's drunk, his inner monologue becomes an outer monologue.
And now, before I finish off this post, I figured everyone might want to see how my Mo is doing! Enjoy the pictures.
And don't forget to check out my Movember page if you want to donate some money for the fight against testicular and prostate cancer!
I'm not going to lie; it is a lot of money. Fortunately, I've always made sure that I kept some money in savings, so I will be able to afford it. It's just... after 9 years of college and grad school, I've only managed to save up about $7000, and now over a third of that might go to this one expense. I say "might" because I probably won't actually have to pay that much. The statement (which is "not a bill") came with an insert that says the following:
University of Maryland Medical Center meets or exceeds the legal requirements by providing financial assistance to those individuals in households below 200% of the federal poverty level and reduced cost-care up to 400% of the federal poverty level.
I'm 100% certain that I'm under 500% of the poverty level, since that's what's necessary to get Gleevec for free from Novartis. Thanks again for that, by the way, Novartis. I'm pretty certain that I'm under 400% as well. If I'm not under 200%, I'm not much higher than it. Such is the life of a grad student. I guess, though, that I should be grateful for what I have rather than regretful of what I don't. Besides, I can't complain, because I think that in the end my education will be worth far more than what I've had to pay for it, even if you factor in costs such as missed opportunities. As much as I complain, my education is really going to be worth something when I finally get out of here.
Speaking of my education, our Sigcomm plans are starting to come together. I'm pretty sure we'll have a decent submission. I almost regret my paper last year about a distributed, privacy-preserving online social network called Persona; while I certainly don't regret winning Best Student Paper, it's almost impossible to follow-up on the paper because it solves so much! Every time we think we have a problem, we realize that Persona solves it almost trivially... almost so much that we couldn't possibly get an entire paper out of it. It's a little frustrating because I feel that there's a bit less to do in the area of privacy in social networks, but that's most likely going to be my thesis topic so I need to come up with something. Our current idea feels a little weak, but that's probably only because I've always set my bar too high. I just get tired of reading papers that design a system exactly as you'd expect if you were to just sit down with the problem for a few minutes.
In other Carmichael news, I've been having some trouble socially. Some of the people involved either do read this blog, might read this blog, or have a reputation that I wouldn't want to tarnish with my minor annoyances. My problems are two-fold. First, I'm supposed to drink in moderation, so even if I'm out having fun I only have one or two drinks, not enough to even really get me buzzed. Ordinarily I wouldn't really care, since I don't really enjoy drinking that much. However, I really don't like being out with a bunch of people who are drinking without me, because I think the social dynamic gets thrown totally off-kilter. Plus, since I don't really drive anywhere, I'm not even able to be the designated driver, so I can't even do some good by being sober. I'll just say thanks, Bender, for driving on Saturday, and leave it at that.
My second problem is that, as much as I would like to, I can't forget about Carmichael. It's bad enough that my alarm goes off at noon every day reminding me to take my pill and that I almost have a side effect of some sort (currently it's back muscle aches, joint pain in my legs and feet, and occasional numbness in my right big toe). Tangent: I wonder if I can deal with side effects better if I think of them more like status effects in an RPG? Anyway, the thing that really gets to me is that someone who shall remain nameless is having an even harder time with Carmichael than I am. That, and I can often tell that when he looks at me. That, and when he's drunk, his inner monologue becomes an outer monologue.
And now, before I finish off this post, I figured everyone might want to see how my Mo is doing! Enjoy the pictures.
And don't forget to check out my Movember page if you want to donate some money for the fight against testicular and prostate cancer!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Side Effects, Kareem, and BMT
Just a quick update on some stuff. I'm currently feeling a bit crappy, due to a combination of retaining water, muscle (especially back) aches, and an odd bruise that I need to ask the doctor about. I think I might need to get a new chair for work that will help my back feel better.
Today, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar came out as a fellow CaMeL... though it sounds like he caught things really early and was spared the distress of growing a hump. Needless to say, I've watched the Airplane scene with him in it a few times today. This also explains why he was playing for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society when he was on Celebrity Jeopardy recently.
Also, I got a phone call from my brother, Billy. He got the results from his bone marrow test, and he is apparently at least a preliminary match. So that's good, at least. Of course, a bone marrow transplant is only a last resort if Gleevec, Sprycel, and Tasignia were all to stop working for me. With any luck, that will never happen.
Today, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar came out as a fellow CaMeL... though it sounds like he caught things really early and was spared the distress of growing a hump. Needless to say, I've watched the Airplane scene with him in it a few times today. This also explains why he was playing for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society when he was on Celebrity Jeopardy recently.
Also, I got a phone call from my brother, Billy. He got the results from his bone marrow test, and he is apparently at least a preliminary match. So that's good, at least. Of course, a bone marrow transplant is only a last resort if Gleevec, Sprycel, and Tasignia were all to stop working for me. With any luck, that will never happen.
Saturday, November 07, 2009
Odds and Ends
Sorry for the delay between posts, but I'm engrossed in a video game at the moment. Demon's Souls is a very addictive game, and I initially thought I would dislike it due to the difficulty. It turns out, though, that the difficulty is deceptive, since the game is very hard in the beginning and gets much easier as you get a handle of things. I still have quite a bit to do to get the platinum trophy, but I'm well on my way.
I promised to post the picture from the Bodies exhibit in New York, but forgot... so here it is:
Speaking of pictures, here are two more. I've decided to participate in Movember to raise awareness and maybe money for the fights against testicular and prostate cancer. I'm not really the type of person to fund raise, but Carmichael is making me think twice about it. Besides... I think the concept of Movember is brilliant.
Side effects lately have been pretty mild. My stomach hurts for a few minutes when I wake up in the morning, and my muscles have been aching quite a bit but that didn't stop me from going to the gym on Monday and Tuesday. It did on Thursday and Friday, but now that I no longer think my expanding spleen is my expanding fat belly I'm willing to take it easier on myself in terms of working out. Other than that, there was one day where I was a space cadet and had a headache, but those effects seem to have passed.
I promised to post the picture from the Bodies exhibit in New York, but forgot... so here it is:
Speaking of pictures, here are two more. I've decided to participate in Movember to raise awareness and maybe money for the fights against testicular and prostate cancer. I'm not really the type of person to fund raise, but Carmichael is making me think twice about it. Besides... I think the concept of Movember is brilliant.
Side effects lately have been pretty mild. My stomach hurts for a few minutes when I wake up in the morning, and my muscles have been aching quite a bit but that didn't stop me from going to the gym on Monday and Tuesday. It did on Thursday and Friday, but now that I no longer think my expanding spleen is my expanding fat belly I'm willing to take it easier on myself in terms of working out. Other than that, there was one day where I was a space cadet and had a headache, but those effects seem to have passed.
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