Post-Thanksgiving

I thought about mentioning how much I dislike a few of the members of my extended family in my last entry, but it sounded a little harsh in my head so I ended up deleting it.  Then Thanksgiving happened. I was going to say that they're racist bigots, and now I can share very specific examples from this trip.  Keep in mind, in particular, that this was Ted's first time meeting these people, so he was effectively a stranger to him, he was my guest, and yet they still acted this way in front of him.

First, my cousin Andy uses the n-word.  A lot.  Not only does he use it, but he uses it excessively and casually.  It makes me ashamed to be related to him, and I indicate my disapproval (and discomfort) every time he says it, but that doesn't stop him at all.

As terrible as that is, my cousin Todd somehow managed to top it, perhaps not in vulgarity but at least in rudeness. At first, in front of everyone, he used the word "gay" to mean "bad".  I knew things would not go well after that, and I can't believe he would be that rude to Ted, but I guess it just means that he doesn't think about the words he uses.

The real trouble came when we went to bed.  You see, we had Thanksgiving in Todd's house this year.  It's a really nice place; Todd and his wife got a deal on what's practically a mansion (albeit in the middle of nowhere) thanks to the economy, so there was plenty of room for everyone.  When we took a tour of the house, Todd made sure to tell everyone else where they could sleep, but he never told me and Ted.  I figured I'd just ask later. I was a little nervous, because I had spoken to my mom on the phone the previous night and she said that she thought Todd might be uncomfortable with me and Ted sleeping in the same room.  I assumed she was just expecting the worst, but after I asked where we could sleep, it became apparent that Todd had actually told her that in advance.

Absolutely humiliating.  Todd got this embarrassed look on his face and said that I could sleep in one room and Ted could sleep in another. I didn't tell Ted what my mom had said, so this took him completely by surprise, and so he just asked why we weren't both just sleeping in the one empty room.  Todd said that he wouldn't be okay with it, and then said that he didn't even let his brother, Tevin, "do that", which, since I know Tevin isn't gay, I can only take to mean sleep in the same room out of wedlock? Of course, he and I both know that Ted and I can't get married (yet), but I'm sure that wouldn't change a thing.

I was quite upset that I put Ted in that situation, but I know he can handle it.  The thing that actually upsets me the most was Todd's attitude.  He was visibly ashamed that he was telling us to go to different rooms.  He could clearly tell that what he was doing was nonsense, rude, and immoral.  His "faith" has blinded him from thinking for himself.

Well, like a decent guest I obeyed the rules of Todd's house. I didn't even make a scene even though I felt entitled to do so. Instead, I just decided to never spend Thanksgiving with those people again. I don't mind them showing up at my parents' house, or my brother's house, but I really don't feel the need to go to one of their houses for Thanksgiving ever again if that's how they'll treat me. They don't consider Ted to be part of the family, but I guess that's not too surprising since they don't really consider me to be part of the family either.

And people wonder why Thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday...